I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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