He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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