Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
