i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
