Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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