Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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