She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
