I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
