i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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