we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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