this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
