Sry I called you an 8
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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