just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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