Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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