Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
