Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize