Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
