Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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