if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
