I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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