He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
