fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
