captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
