i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
