She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
