Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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