Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize
