Texts From Last Night

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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

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  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21727) Bad night (3207)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.

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  (917): It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay. http://tfl.nu/aq98
  Replies (14) Good night (596) Bad night (2985)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am

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  (610): i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am http://tfl.nu/0mrv
  Replies (6) Good night (4891) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.

  (347): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.

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  (917): Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement. (347): I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/2bcu
  Replies (14) Good night (1166) Bad night (4902)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain

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  (708): He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain http://tfl.nu/7dwy
  Replies (4) Good night (3163) Bad night (906)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now

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  (615): took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now http://tfl.nu/5whe
  Replies (7) Good night (1108) Bad night (2470)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit

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  (515): Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit http://tfl.nu/4m5n
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (2245)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.

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  (319): I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer. http://tfl.nu/5cv0
  Replies (2) Good night (2186) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.

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  (+61): Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking. http://tfl.nu/00hi
  Replies (6) Good night (705) Bad night (1603)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.

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  (970): That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's. http://tfl.nu/h55c
  Replies (1) Good night (1301) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.

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  (503): Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy". (1-503): That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby. http://tfl.nu/9w8t
  Replies (4) Good night (997) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.

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  (718): Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made. http://tfl.nu/tzd1
  Replies (15) Good night (2506) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.

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  (845): The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction. http://tfl.nu/75bn
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  what are you going as for halloween?

  (805): View more from California

  drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable

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  (818): what are you going as for halloween? (805): drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable http://tfl.nu/bmlt
  Replies (5) Good night (949) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park

  (210): View more from Texas

  Surprise ending

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  (210): Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park (210): Surprise ending http://tfl.nu/6dpe
  Replies (2) Good night (537) Bad night (178)

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