Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.

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  (561): My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist. http://tfl.nu/h6i5
  Replies (39) Good night (5487) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

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  (602): i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule. http://tfl.nu/edaa
  Replies (10) Good night (4287) Bad night (2573)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.

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  (618): I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask. http://tfl.nu/gfxs
  Replies (12) Good night (1073) Bad night (3124)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.

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  (417): I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it. http://tfl.nu/weos
  Replies (10) Good night (963) Bad night (4449)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?

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  (832): Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones? http://tfl.nu/bhpj
  Replies (7) Good night (2415) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.

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  (608): hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink. http://tfl.nu/2o9s
  Replies (4) Good night (1295) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips

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  (217): I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips http://tfl.nu/378x
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night

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  (253): Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night http://tfl.nu/3m0v
  Replies (4) Good night (1170) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".

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  (780): So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned". http://tfl.nu/rmju
  Replies (36) Good night (5080) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."

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  (916): You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths." http://tfl.nu/4apx
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him

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  (904): He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him http://tfl.nu/dcu2
  Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile

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  (570): Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile (1-570): FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile http://tfl.nu/2z1a
  Replies (0) Good night (1102) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"

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  (850): It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!" http://tfl.nu/ndge
  Replies (6) Good night (501) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.

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  (702): I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get. http://tfl.nu/37ej
  Replies (0) Good night (732) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later

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  (574): I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later http://tfl.nu/xueh
  Replies (5) Good night (991) Bad night (497)

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