Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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