In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
