It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...