Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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