those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
