he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
