kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
