So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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