When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
