haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
