I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
