Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
