I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
