she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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