told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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