well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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