he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
