he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
