Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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