Whoa Z and x make the same sound
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
