i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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