Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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