Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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