I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
