It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
