be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
