Quick, to the slutcave!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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