pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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