dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
