No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
