Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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