It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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