Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
