Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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