Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
