did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
