I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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