I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
