I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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