shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize