Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
