Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
