Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
