Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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