You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
