I am puke
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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