just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
