so explain again why im purple
no
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
