We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
