I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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