I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
